Some questions I find myself constantly asking myself, my friends, and my family as I cope with the growing pains of post-grad life. Before I get into my existential crisis, let’s start with a brief introduction.

Hey, hi, hello. Vas happenin’? (for my fellow One Direction fans.)

My name is Annemarie. No nicknames, but I am always open to finding one. I’m a twenty-something year old girl who is desperately trying to figure out “what’s next.” Six months post-grad, deep in the trenches of finding my dream career, and slowly becoming a professional hobby collector, I am in desperate need of finding someone who can answer my questions.

My problem: I know what my ideal life would look like - travelling, creating content as a full time job, curating oddly specific Spotify playlists, acting on the stage and screen, and if I’m lucky, do it all with a friend group filled with my favorite artists and athletes. Yet, I’m not sure where the line between dreams and reality lie. However, one thing I do know for sure: all dreams have to start somewhere. That’s what I’m trying to figure out - where to start.

The start. The scariest part of the hero’s journey. Except this time, the hero is a girl who has recently moved back to her hometown and is simply stuck. Stuck in her dead-end job. Stuck staring at LinkedIn, hoping to find the perfect job opportunity. Stuck between applying to grad school, moving to a new city and reinventing herself, contemplating a career change before her career has even begun, or joining a run club. (Spoiler: it will not be a run club…I prefer a hot girl walk to a marathon sprint.)

I don’t know where to start.

“Let’s Start at the Very Beginning, a Very Good Place to Start.” - The Sound of Music

The beginning. My first love has always been performing - specifically, musical theater. Inspired by a film classic - The High School Musical trilogy - I have been singing, dancing, and acting since the age of 3. My extracurriculars, my passions, my creativity, my college courses have all been informed by my love of performing. But, I have never been one to stick to one path: I’ve always wanted more, more, more.

The following list encompasses most, but not all of the interests I have had in my relatively short life. Harry Potter. Percy Jackson. One Direction. Taylor Swift. London (yes, the city).The Brit Crew. Broadway/West End shows. The MCU. Romcoms. Reading. American Football. Premier League Football. The NHL. The Summer Olympics. Spotify Playlists. Formula 1. 

Clearly, I have an addiction - escapism. I think that is why I find myself stuck. I keep trying to find an escape. I have a million different passions, a million different lives I want to live. Yet, the pathological people pleasing perfectionist that I am keeps me from that all. I want so badly to fit into the boxes that people have created for me. Artist or Athlete. Creative or Corporate. Small town girl or Big city transplant. Yet, I fall within the grey area. I fall between the cracks. 

That’s why I started creating content on TikTok. That’s why I am starting this blog. I wanted to feel that I had some control, some corner of the internet where I could share my interests without feeling judged, out of place, or just plain weird. I am so sick of trying to fit into a mold and conform to what everyone else wants from me. So I’m giving myself an outlet, something that’s my own. 

Maybe one day I’ll share how I fell into all of my interests. Maybe I’ll share a little bit about how my summer post grad I slowly shifted from being on top of the world to experiencing a metaphorical fall from grace. For now, be ready for a catastrophe of creativity as I try to get out of this rut, try to figure out what the hell I am doing. 

Love always,

Annemarie